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Cyberhate [PG-13]

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Cyberhate [PG-13]

Post by Pure Song on 12th August 2014, 7:29 pm

The phone rang.

Startling a little as she jerked out of her reverie, the girl paused on her essay, looking up. The candy-colored phone rang at her, the cheerful tone making her shiver.

She didn't want this. She didn't want to get online today.

“Just hush,” she told her phone softly, turning up the music on her computer. She couldn't focus on this....she needed to not check her phone. She couldn't....she couldn't focus on anything. Used to be she  could just check her phone, text her friends and family without another thought. She couldn't though. She didn't want to be barraged by the words that she knew she was going to say.


No. Do not think about it.

You should just kill yourself.

She tried to calm her racing thoughts, focus on the task at hand again. Oh oh oh....

I want to see you dead.

Why? Why did she need to be dead?

The phone, which had fallen silent, rang again, its cheerful tone sending frightened chills down her spine. She curled her legs tighter under her chair, trying to ignore it as she fretted at her eraser. Just ignore it, girl, just ignore it....focus on your paper....

“I hear you…” She mumbled towards the phone. But as much as she wanted to….no. No! She couldn't, she couldn't....sighing, she pushed away from her desk and went to sit on her bed, pull her teddy bear into her arms.

Try as she might, she just couldn't get away. She didn't respond, like they said not to, but the still the hate never stopped. Every time she blocked one email, one screen name, the other just created a whole new one! There was no seeming end to the assault! It was to the point that each and every time that her phone chimed, be it the little typewriter tone for her email or the cheerful tune for text messages, her heart shocked and skipped beats, and her mind stuttered. She just wanted to hide, not check....not check....

There was a long moment of quiet. And then there was the cheerful tune again.

But....all her homework was online. Her school was trying to 'go green' and not use so much paper...and the work schedule was sent out by email, there was no way to not check that. Her dear friend, too, he wanted to Skype her while he was abroad. What if the hate switched over to Skype, if she got the smart idea to start up new accounts on Skype too? She was terrified...She couldn't get away.

And sometimes....she didn't think she wanted to....

The phone rang.

“STOP CHIMING!” It came in a frantic voice, high-pitched with fear and panic. She just wanted to text back, to respond to one email or note, saying that the girl needed to leave her alone, it wasn't her fault! Tears gathered in her eyes, and suddenly she couldn't stop her words from spilling out of her chest into the empty room. “It's not my fault! It's not my fault! Stop calling me such names! I’m not a whore, not a slut, not a lying cu---c--”

She choked. She couldn't even say the word. The girl had called her that so many times, and she still couldn't say it! She couldn't say it!

“.....bitch,” she finally finished with a sob, “who doesn't have a friend in the world and YOU KNOW IT!” And she was crying too hard to speak anymore. Even just saying that rocked her to the core, she didn't curse...! Sobs wracking her shoulders, the girl buried her face in her bedcovers, arms wrapped tight around the love-worn teddy bear.

But sobs would taper to sniffles, which faded to silence.

She couldn't respond. She'd get in trouble. She couldn't, she couldn't.....she couldn't disconnect from the very thing hurting her either. She had to stay online, work with her partners in classwork, study and keep checking her email and answer text messages not from her.

And who could she go to? No one, she couldn't go to anyone. They just told her to 'ignore it'. It was 'just words' after all, just a 'faceless, nameless post online'. According to people, she 'didn't know for sure it was her' (it was, she was saying things only she could know and posting her personal information online!). And anyways, she could 'just keep blocking her'. She didn't 'have to read them' and could 'just ignore them and ignore her', right?

But how? How was she supposed to ignore that!? That girl was posting such hateful things about her online! That girl could say what she wanted about her and she couldn't say anything in her own defense! No one believed it was problem and she couldn't, she couldn't handle this for long....-

The phone rang.

The girl sat up, staring at it for a long moment. For a moment, there was a unbreakable stillness in the room. It became its own little universe, silent except for the jaunty tune that lulled any listeners into a false sense of security. The world seemed to wait with bated breath as it rang, screen flaring at her. It was an unregistered number.

Slowly, she picked up the phone. Scrolled it to one side, entered her password. Flipped to her home screen. One new message waiting on her texting app from the unknown number.

She steeled herself. In with one breath, out. In again. Keep yourself calm, child, she scolded herself mentally. She could do this. She opened the app.




Her eyes wavered, glasses making every word crystal clear on the screen before her. As she read, she felt herself sliding one way. Suddenly there was a lilting of her body, and she felt an ache deep in her chest as tears clogged her throat, making her weak lungs struggle for breath. Slowly tears filled the dark eyes, dark eyes that were dulling, dark circles beneath them seeming to stand out more. The screen blurred before her.

It felt as if there were a vice around her chest, and she could not draw breath. There was no air. This room was a vacuum and she could not draw breath because in vacuums there are no air and she could not breathe. She could not breathe. The words were blurred and yet their meaning was still clear, the skipping beats of her heart bringing everything into striking, too-bright clarity. No. No.

“No.” A force rose in her body, unbidden, as bile rose in her throat. With a cry that was more a wail of agony than a scream of rage, she flung the phone away from herself. It slammed into the wall and bounced, skittering under her desk. She whined softly and whirled, burying herself in her pillows to cry softly. Shoulders heaving, the room echoed with her sobs.

Eventually, the sobs trailed off. She dragged her teddy up into her arms, curling on her bed, not bothering to change into pajamas. Dull eyes slid shut, tears still leaking down her pale face continuously, unbreaking as soft sounds hitched her breath until it stilled, calmed. The room resounded with the sound of silence, of soft, sleepy breaths. The girl, not yet woman, lay there, having cried herself into an uneasy slumber. One that was quite familiar to her body, one that she didn't want but couldn't escape from.

The phone rang.


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Pure Song

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